I’m glad that I named this blog, “Old Woman Running Blog” because the only thing that has really stayed the same is that I have become older.
I’ve continued to run. I run in the mornings before work. The cool, rainy mornings of the PNW draw me out to start my day at 5:30 before work. I clear my head, I plan my day and I work out all the issues that lay before me.
Because of my running I have made life long friends. I had a steady running partner for quite a while that I met at a running event and when covid hit, she retreated to Eastern Oregon to her life there. I literally ran into an older group of runners and they invited me into their group where I am discovering new friendships and I find that exciting.
I ran the Vernonia Marathon last year and came in first in my age division. I ran on an Elite masters team for Hood To Coast (don’t be too impressed, there was only three of us in our division) and again, I met such a wonderful group of women.
So looking ahead, I see lots of adventures (I have one planned with my best friend in Yosemite this May) with my new friends. I see reducing my work hours and finding a way to be with my retired husband more. I plan on having many more adventures with him. (Right now we are both sick in different rooms so we won’t bother each other so this isn’t one of those fun adventures.)
But since my last post, I have to tell you, I am leaving behind my sister Laura. My sister Laura was my best friend. She was my confident. She was part of my retirement plan. She and I have always been the closest in our sister group. I do have a wonderful sister, Juanita (or Jay) but she has an intelligence that shines so bright, Laura and I were dim compared to her. So eventhough we were the three musketeers many times, Laura was my pal.
But Laura was an alcoholic. Jay and I had been bearing the brunt of her emotional rollercoaster for years. Jay and I had already been through this with an alcoholic/abusive mother and seeing my sister go through it as well was beyond tough. Laura’s health was fading, it was clear she had liver damage. She didn’t share how sick she was. She went on a life long trip she always wanted to take to Bejing the summer before she died.
But the alcohol that she allowed to take her life, consumed her. We had watched as it consumed her intelligence and her life. She couldn’t keep a job. She couldn’t stop lying about most everything. Myself, my stepmom and her son, Mark were constantly bailing her out.
But we loved her fiercely. But that wasn’t enough.
She was picked up for drunk driving, thrown in jail, was released. And then she went home and drank everything in her house until it all killed her. She even drank the turpentine under her sink. They found her a few days afterwards.
And now she is left behind. And I am still at a loss of. That hole in my retirement plan is still there. And I miss her so greatly.
As I texted with Jay, I told her that it doesn’t feel real anymore. Almost that its like she never was. But I know she was. My sister said that she thinks of things as present, past and future. Laura is now only exists in the past as we do in the present and future. It’s a good way to put it and I miss the path she could have had with us.
I miss her insights and I feel incredibly alone with out her.
I loved my sister Laura and I miss her terribly.